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 your daily humor 
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Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2011 3:03 pm
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Location: n.h. seacoast
couldn't forget to put this one back in :D

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Sat Feb 26, 2011 4:05 pm
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Chapter Peep

Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2011 2:53 pm
Posts: 13
Location: Portsmouth, NH
I got a parrot, and the parrot talked, but it did not say it's hungry, so it died.

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Adam
Maine Chapter President

The ride does not require an explanation, just occupants


Sun Feb 27, 2011 2:20 am
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Who your true friends are???
Do you know..

Try this it works I promise!!
Go home put your spouse and your dog in the trunk of your car and lock it..(If you do not have a traditional trunk borrow some ones)
Leave them for an hour
When you open the trunk which one is really happy to see you?
:rofl

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Mon Feb 28, 2011 3:31 pm
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Little
Firefighter


If you don't laugh at this one, you're not breathing…..

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station,
when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon
with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose
tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a
firefighter’s helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by
her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to
take a closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the
firefighter said with admiration.

'Thanks,' the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied
the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.


'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want
to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that
rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go
faster. '

The little girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but
then I wouldn't have a siren.'

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Dance as if no one were watching, Sing as if no one were listening,
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Mon Feb 28, 2011 3:32 pm
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Joined: Mon Feb 28, 2011 9:23 am
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Location: Clinton, MA
Bullseye wrote:
Little
Firefighter



HOLY ROFLOL!!!!!
:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

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BlackKnight
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Mon Feb 28, 2011 4:12 pm
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Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2011 9:22 pm
Posts: 269
Location: Chippewa PA
lol :rofl

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Mon Feb 28, 2011 5:15 pm
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Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2011 2:54 pm
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Location: long island, ny
:rofl


Mon Feb 28, 2011 9:48 pm
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Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2011 11:46 pm
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Location: Plaistow, NH
:rofl

that poor cat lol


Mon Feb 28, 2011 10:15 pm
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Formerlly simesxb2

Joined: Sun Feb 27, 2011 1:26 pm
Posts: 2642
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Location: Ohio
:rofl :clap

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God, Family, Country and the right to bare arms; That's what it's all about. Scion would be in there but Toyota chose to nix them.


Tue Mar 01, 2011 7:27 am
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**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**

**'Hello?'**

**'Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the phone?'**

**'No, Daddy.**
**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**

**After a brief pause,**

**Daddy says,**
**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**

**'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,**
**Right now..'**

Brief Pause.

**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**
**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'**

**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**

**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the phone.**

**'I did it, Daddy.'**

**'And what happened, honey?' **

'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**
**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
**And now she isn't moving at all!'**

**'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'**

**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too..**
**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
**And into the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**
**Last week to clean it.**
**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'**

*****Long Pause*****

*****Longer Pause*****

*****Even Longer Pause*****

**Then Daddy says,**
**'Swimming pool? ............**
**Is this 486-5731?'*

**No, you have the wrong number.........*

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Dance as if no one were watching, Sing as if no one were listening,
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Sat Mar 05, 2011 12:47 pm
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Location: Plaistow, NH
that's horrible!


yet i'm still laughing. i'm going to hell. :lol:


Sat Mar 05, 2011 2:47 pm
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Formerlly simesxb2

Joined: Sun Feb 27, 2011 1:26 pm
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Location: Ohio
:rofl :rofl :thumbup :clap

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God, Family, Country and the right to bare arms; That's what it's all about. Scion would be in there but Toyota chose to nix them.


Sat Mar 05, 2011 6:37 pm
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Fayzie wrote:
that's horrible!


yet i'm still laughing. i'm going to hell. :lol:



lol you and me both :P

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Sat Mar 05, 2011 9:46 pm
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FINE EXPLANATION
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,



'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?

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Dance as if no one were watching, Sing as if no one were listening,
And live every day as if it were your last.


Fri Mar 18, 2011 10:58 am
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REDNECK LENT



Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.



The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic.



After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."



Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.



The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish".

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Dance as if no one were watching, Sing as if no one were listening,
And live every day as if it were your last.


Fri Mar 18, 2011 11:14 am
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Joined: Sat Feb 26, 2011 9:22 pm
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Location: Chippewa PA
:rofl

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Fri Mar 18, 2011 12:03 pm
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Location: long island, ny
:rofl those are great!


Fri Mar 18, 2011 8:22 pm
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At the end of a busy day, a man and his wife were sitting at home on
the veranda in the quiet of twilight.

As the sun slowly sank below the mountains, he broke the comfortable
silence saying, "I love you."

She asked, "Is that you or the beer talking?"

He replied, "It's me. I'm talking to the beer."


Sun Mar 20, 2011 11:14 am
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:rofl :rofl :bottle

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Dance as if no one were watching, Sing as if no one were listening,
And live every day as if it were your last.


Mon Mar 21, 2011 10:54 am
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Formerlly simesxb2

Joined: Sun Feb 27, 2011 1:26 pm
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Location: Ohio
:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl
boy I've been missing this thread! :lol:

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God, Family, Country and the right to bare arms; That's what it's all about. Scion would be in there but Toyota chose to nix them.


Mon Mar 21, 2011 11:48 am
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